I wrote this for my creative writing class and decided to share it on here. Our assignment was to write about our names. So here it goes.
When
I was born, “Jordan” stood for beauty.
The beauty of a newborn. The
beauty of hope for a new life. The
possibilities are endless for someone whose life had only begun moments
ago. This baby might’ve been all kinds
of things. Perhaps Jordan would be a
movie star; an engineer; a professional athlete; a designer. Maybe Jordan would end up having bright blue
eyes like her mom and gorgeous, wavy locks of hair that were as dark as
midnight. But after I was taken home
from the hospital, no one thought of those things. Because “Jordan” had a new meaning. This Jordan that they brought home would
scream and fuss and be annoying. Between
changing endless diapers and feedings in the middle of the night, there was no
time to think of beauty.
When
I started school, “Jordan” meant shy and terrified. I would cry and scream when my mother left
me. I hated strangers. I wasn’t good with new people. The teachers shushed me and promised a day of
fun activities and learning. Eventually,
I would calm down. Except for this one
time when I actually made myself so sick from crying that I threw up. The principal of my preschool called my mom and sent me home. I continued to be this intimidated, scared
girl throughout kindergarten as well. I
refused to even smile for pictures. Mrs.
Mosher sent my report card home with 3s and 4s and a comment that said: “Jordan
is one of the smartest students in my class.
I’ve just never seen her smile.”
When
I got to middle school, “Jordan” meant intelligent and friendly. Just not friendly enough to be friends with
the popular kids. I worked hard and got
all A’s all three years because that was the only way I knew to make my parents
proud. When I wasn’t acing my classes, I
was doing my best to weasel my way into the popular crowd. I changed my style of clothes and began to
talk more. I stopped hiding behind books
and graphic tees and found myself dating one of the football players.
When
two and a half years had passed, “Jordan” meant depressed and lonely and
breakdowns every five minutes. The
football player left and his friends were mean.
I dropped by school once a week to grab my work. I stayed home where the words and perfectly
manicured hands could not reach me. This
Jordan could also be known as pathetically hopeful. Little did she know that just because you
date someone for 2 and a half years does not mean they are your soulmate or
that you belong together.
When
it was January of 2013, “Jordan” meant hope.
Hope for new adventures; hope that life would be better; hope that I
could get away from a specific person in my family. It was in the middle of my sophomore year
that I moved with my mom and sister to Washington- 2,371 miles from my hometown
of Waterford, Michigan. I started at a
school that had five buildings and sixteen portables. There was an entire building dedicated to
fine arts and two dedicated to sports.
The other buildings were several stories and long hallways filled with
opportunities. 2,000 shiny new people
wandered the school. I kept my head down
and waited for someone to say hi.
It
is now within the first month of my senior year and “Jordan” has a definition
that has never been heard before. Now,
my name radiates bravery. It waves to
people in the hallway and holds doors open for strangers. “Jordan” is a story of courage and
kindness. My name is strong enough to
get up every morning to go to school and it compliments people who seem to be
having a rough day. “Jordan” is the name
of someone who did not quit and is going to survive and go to school thousands
of miles away from here and is going to be happy and write a lot and play
guitar and sing about how love doesn’t always work out but it’s okay because
everything happens for a reason.
“Jordan” is the motivational speeches I give and the anonymous accounts
I have online to stop suicide. It is the
older sister protecting the younger.
It is the story of
change; of beauty, and intelligence, friendliness, hope, and bravery. “Jordan” is the story of a girl who had the
world figured out by age ten but still believed that it could be a wonderful
place. And although every website says
the definition of my name is “to descend” or “to flow down” like the river that
runs between the countries of Jordan and Israel, I disagree. My name means a whole lot more than to be
like a river. My name is a story. A story that isn’t over just quite yet.
-Jordan xx
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans
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