Stories of the West Coast: October 2014

Sunday, October 26, 2014

10 Wonderful Things A Horrible Person Taught Me

Let me tell you about a few things I've learned over the past few... 17ish... years of my life. There was ~~was~~ is this one person who did a very good job of teaching me some lessons. I don't particularly like this person. But one thing is for certain: he/she ~~I won't specify a gender for the sake of his/her anonymity~~ has left some thoughts in my brain that will last a life time. (There will be swear words in this post. I think you can probably handle it.)

1. When you call someone a name, no matter how young this person may be ~~even if she can't multiply or divide yet~~, that person will absolutely remember it for the rest of her life. The names will infect her like a disease and she will think that "bitch" and "c***" and "lazy" and "useless" are accurate ways to describe herself. She will write them down in poems and cry herself to sleep more often than not. She will recall all these horrific names as she's having her third panic attack of the week in school after a flashback has occurred. She will have to explain to all of her teachers in high school that she's just a little off and needs to step outside of the room most days.

2. Making fun of a person's mental illnesses is never okay. Especially if you're someone that played a major role in the creation of said illnesses. Laughing at how someone sometimes can't get through a full day of school or can't focus or do anything right will never get her or you anywhere. She is trying to forget all the awful memories you gave her but most days, they are too much. They are the weight of the world and Jupiter and Saturn and the moon.

3. Making fun of someone's weight only proves how insecure you are about yourself. The number on the scale tells you your proportion to gravity. That's it. That stupid number won't tell you your self-worth. Or how many lives you've saved. Or how many moments you've laughed. Or how many days you stayed strong when you wanted to quit. That stupid number won't tell you how brave you are or how beautiful you are or how worth it you are.

4. If you are larger than someone and you use that to your advantage to physically intimidate him/her, then you are a disgusting ~~human~~ creature.

5. If you don't like a religion, DON'T PRACTICE IT. IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM WILL YOU BASHING ON HER RELIGION MAKE HER CHANGE HER MIND OR LOVE YOU ANY MORE. For example, I'm a Christian. My best friend in an athiest. I respect her. She respects me. We agree that there are endless possibilities, but we believe what we believe and that's that. Which is how it should be.

6. Don't get married or have kids or be apart of anything, really, until you're completely comfortable with yourself. You can't be a piece of something and expect it to be whole if you yourself are not, in fact, whole.

7. Alcohol will halt your kindness before it halts your heart.

8. Switching addictions is like switching seats on the Titanic.

9. Living in the past will break your heart.

10. Denial will tear you up into pieces so tiny that you won't be visible to the human eye. You will be dust. Invisible. Nothing. Own up to what you've done.

So there you have it. 10 wonderful things I learned from a not-so-wonderful person. But life goes on and I'll take these lessons with me. Now I know exactly who I don't want to be.

I will be better.

-Jordan xx

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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Falling In Love or Falling Apart

They say you only write when you are falling in love or falling apart. Recently, I haven't been doing either.

Life, more often that not, is a roller coaster. Hills and mountains. Either something going insanely wrong or wonderfully right. But my life has been like a kiddie ride this past month or so, with no real dips or curves. Meaning nothing major has really happened that's inspired me to write.

Writer's block. No motivation to write. No ideas to share. Nothing to really say.

But in times like these, when I am not writing, I am thinking. So I've been quieter than normal. Just because my mouth is not moving does not mean the same for my thoughts... which isn't so bad. There are times in our lives when we must speak. When we need to tell our story or give advice or participate. And there are times in our lives when we just really need to listen. I think I'm going through a listening phase right now.

I've been telling my story for years. Perhaps I'm just tired of hearing it. I keep repeating the same thing and looking for a different way to tell it. Like I'm hoping for a different ending or something. Like I'm hoping to have learned another lesson somewhere along the way that I won't be able to remember until I mention it aloud. But that isn't the case.

So I've been thinking. And that leads to worrying. And worrying is silly because it's useless. But it's been happening anyway. I've been thinking about graduating and college and my friends in other parts of the country and my past and the mistakes I've made and the mistakes I might be making at this very moment and music and my dreams and more than I could ever write down. Maybe that's part of my writer's block. My thoughts move faster than my hand does and I get frustrated that my muscles can't keep up with what I want to get down in words.

So I'll just keep on listening, I suppose. Maybe I'll learn something cool. Like patience or something else I don't know how to do. Maybe I'll hear someone's story and be motivated to write about it. Until then, I'll stay in my quiet little world.

And this blog post was random and had no point but it is what it is. I guess you're only supposed to write when you're falling in love or falling apart.