What Are You So Afraid Of?

In the past, when people asked me what I was afraid of, I gave a really common answer. I would tell them that I was deathly afraid of spiders and snakes and heights. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of spiders or snakes. (I don't mind heights, to be honest.) But spiders and snakes are not my worst fears anymore.

What am I afraid of now?

I'm afraid that the guy I like might like me back -even just a tiny bit. And I'm afraid of this because my fear of rejection is holding me back from telling him that I've been crushing on him for awhile now.

I'm afraid that I don't tell my family I love them enough. I'm afraid that because of this, they don't realize how much I appreciate them.

I'm afraid of not being pretty enough. I'm afraid that because of this fear, I might go back to unhealthy eating habits.

I'm afraid that my depression might get too out of hand one day. And I'm afraid I might make a big mistake.

I am afraid that I am wasting my teenage years away. By age 16, Taylor Swift had released her first album. And the most I've done since turning 16 is fly alone on a plane.

I'm afraid that I'm missing out on opportunities, such as hanging out with people, because I'm scared that my social anxiety will cause me to have a panic attack in public.

I'm afraid that when I'm older (if I live to be "older") I will regret stressing too much as a high-schooler.

I'm afraid that I serve no purpose. I'm afraid that I'm not helping enough people. I'm afraid that I'm passing people in the hallways every day that need a friend- and I'm not there for them.

But living in fear isn't going to get me anywhere.

I think that telling the boy I like is a good idea. If he likes me, then... Well, that's good. And if he doesn't like me... Well, he's a senior and so nobody will remember him rejecting me once he graduates.

I think I'm going to start telling my family how much I love them. I'm going to do this when we're hanging up on the phone; when I'm leaving their house; when they're leaving my house; when they achieve something; and when they do small favors for me.

I think I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I am who I am and I cannot change the body I was given. Since I dislike the way I look, the most I can do is eat healthier and work out more. And I am fully capable of doing those things.

I think I'm going to have to stop wasting my life away in my room. I'm going to have to forget about the anxiety. I'm going to have to forget about the depression. I'm going to have to deal with the fact that suicide will never be the answer. And so I'm going to have to start looking for colleges to go to.

Now you know my greatest fears. And now you know that I will get through them and I will be okay.

So, my question to you is this: What are you so afraid of?

-Jordan xx

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