it began four years ago
when i was
moments away from
performing a soNg belonging to a tv show
in a room full of
hundreds and hundreds of stares,
and when there wAs no
stand for the microphone,
you held it for me.
that exact moment spun
us intTo a whirlwind of adventures:
slaying dragons and ruling
kingdoms and
screaAming along to
taylor swift songs in the car after an airport hug and a sleepless night.
we spent $10 on coffee
and a terminal disease; we took a car-ride
and conquered 3 States;
we danced beside a
willow tree, minds fuzzy, and planned a future in the soutHwest.
because, even then- so
early in the best-friend-fAirytale-
we knew our paths would
be forever intertwined.
so let it be known: no
matter how many times we create songs
when dialing each other’s
numbers on our phones to sob about evil boys and jealous girls
and family that breaks
our hearts,
my love for you is
endless.
---
you were a friend of a
best friend with a smile that radiated.
it radiated kindness and
love, friendliness and Beauty; the ability to be
vulnerable and strong.
and it made me wonder if
those two things were secretly one and the same.
we mEt again, this time
365 days older, and the pure genuine sparkle that glowed off of you
was brighter somehow. and
when that time passed once more,
i witnessed a new
person altogether.
i watched you grow as
though in shots of a fiLm strip:
one, you are quiet.
two, you are evolving.
three, you are a
confident woman who deserves better than
what the worLd has
presented to her.
And so we played a card
game and we walked half a mile in ohio’s downpour
and we talked and laughed
and cried and smiled
and you grew.
and you inspired me.
and so i grew, too.
---
strangers to
acquaintances to a relationship deserving a more solidified title than
“my best friend.”
though we were a duo of
Souls raised in the same, insignificant midwestern town,
our stories didn’t
tangle till
a tiny flicker of light
from a program’s candle
caught the attention of
two sets of eyes- the ocean and the trees-
and we grasped onto it
so tightly that the Horrors of our pasts seared away
with each drip that the
burning wax brought to our skin.
it wAs with this
opportunity of hope that we grew together,
like a pair of golden
roses,
in the lower deck of a
baseball stadium; at a quick-moving, eNergy-destroying amusement park;
in the drive-thru of a
pizza place in sandusky; at the end of the dock
on that crystal-clear
lake with smoke in the wiNd and laughter in our lungs.
breadstick after breadstick
was eaten as we mulled over the ones who had broken our hearts
and the times we’d wanted
click “end game” On the controls of our own lives,
and it was iN that restaurant,
in our insignificant midwestern
town,
that you said i saved
you- and i made room for you in my heart.
---
you’d been before but
hadn’t understood.
so it took three years
of convincing and obvious manipulation
to bring you home to a
family you didn’t know you needed.
didn’t know existed.
you stood in front of
everyone and declared your presence,
“i am here,”
with your voice singing
out and fingers picking at a guitar.
there were Jokes to be
said and stories to be told and you took to the people you mEt.
and the whole thing
broke your heart
and the whole thing
mended your heart.
and i got to watch it
unfold.
we sat iN a circle with
the others,
peanut butter and jelly
squishing out of the bread
and onto our fingers,
during the time when no one could decipher
if it was night
or if it was morning.
and your shoulders
relaxed as you settled in to the seNse of belonging.
a knowing feeling that
you didn’t have to see any farther because
these were the people you looked so long for.
and so you and i wore
our short, lace, white dresses
and mine had spArkles
and yours was plain
and we were so different
but so much the same.
then we cried and
hugged and wiped our mascara away,
because we were related
before.
but now we were a new
family altogether, you and i.
the acceptance the love
the respect the story the friendships
are what you gained-
because you left your
old self behind.
---
our first hello was in
a crowded room-
you center stage and me
lost in the crowd,
and my sleepless,
hallucinating, delusional mind decided to call out to you.
how lucky i am for
that.
we met. and a year
later, we met again- though a divergent factor
played itself out this
time. Because, this time,
there was a quiet
harpist hiding in the shadows of our past selves that played us a tune
of fRiendship and possibilities.
the next time we were
face-to-face, we were older and (probably) not wiser, And i found that,
beneath blankets
wrapped around our shoulders and white dresses and red suits,
and fingers laceD
together,
our stories were so
much the same.
but we watched the sky
turn from black to orange to pink to blue,
and i reaLized that you
were kind and soft and honest and i was everything you were not.
harsh; unbelieving; jagged;
closed-off;
yet so accepting of
you. and so you lovEd me anyway.
you knew more about
music and friendship and life than i did (do),
and still you reached for
me when unforeseen surges of anxietY presesed
the
sharp tips of my fingernails into my palms.
so
i chose friendship over pain- and it occurred to me then that they were two
ulterior forces.
not
the same wrecking ball, but a feather and a brick:
they
did not weight the same.
and
so-
never change. and if
you did, i would be there for you all the same.
and because i am me,
and nothing like you,
i can never get “thank
you” right.
so this is my thank
you- if for nothing more, then for just being
you.
---
it’s funny to think
about it now- the
way that we met.
i was her friend and
you were her brother, and there was nothing more to our story.
and this is funny
because
you have proven yourself
to be far More than “someone’s brother.”
yes, you are a quiet
bravery- like a song that grows louder as it goes along.
you are a hushed
competitor: a card game intensified,
but only because of the
plAyers,
and not at all due to
the rules.
you have advanced
prospered improved succeeded risen.
you have grown into a
leader, a humble force to be reckoned with.
and most imporTantly,
above all else, you are
a good friend.
i promise with flesh
and bone and all i have thaT i will do my best
to comfort and love your
wonderful sister
as long as you keep
doing the same for mine.
and when you bring the
world to its knees one day, i won’t be surprised.
i saw it coming,
---
our new worlds were
created only days apart from
one another’s. and Months
later, when they collided, a blessing
with your nAme, and
freCKles like scattered paint,
and a laugh that could
bring spring in december
strode into my life
with the sound of sneakers on the tile of a church basement’s floor.
yEars have long since
passed
and now you are a
reminder of home.
you are a sense of familiarity.
you are an indepeNdent
soul with story to be told and the
strength to do so.
and when it getS to be
too much (because life is known to be too much),
i will still be the one
to sit with you at midnight
in a forEign state with
eyes everywhere
and hold your hand.
because we are
meaningful conversations in the back of coach buses
and the older sisters
with a natural
instinct to protect.
so life may carrY our
paths in varying directions, but that will never affect us much
and this is why:
no matter where we go
or who we become
or what disasters
masterpieces we create,
our stories of origin
will
forever
remain the same.
