After the game, I went home just to find about 5 people (3 that I knew, 2 that I've never talked to before) giving me hate on Twitter. On top of being told that I wasn't welcome in this town, I was called crazy. I was called out on taking medication because of my depression and PTSD. Low blow.
It is easy to give up and to lose hope. It's so easy to drag the razor across your wrist. It's so easy to swallow all those pills. It's so easy to lose yourself.
I sat around for an hour or so last night, crying and fighting back- doing my best to kill them with kindness.
That's when the texts started coming in.
Suddenly, I had half of the town on my side. I had twice as many people supporting me as hating on me. You have no idea how nice that was.
I want to thank the following people for keeping me alive last night:
- Mom
- Jessica Goshi
- Jenna
- Sam Graham
- Aunt Tracy
- Beth Burnand
- Brandon Dowling
- Katie Ziem
- Travis Vick
- Lauren Prater
- Anna Hueter
- Haley Smith
- @Suicidehastoend
- Ella Grant
- Madison Denisio
- Ariana Faigenbaum
- Ashley Skaggs
- @JayXOFauz
- Tyler Carpenter
- Micailah Moore
- Lauren Patchin
- Nate Todd
- Lexi Upson
- Emma Colegrove
- Jake Sidock
- Jakob Matney
You see that? That's twenty-five people who had my back. Twenty-five. I was humbled, to say the least. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that all of you were there for me... You will never know how much I love and appreciate every last one of you. I thoroughly believe that God has a plan for me and that everything happens for a reason.
So not only was I reminded of all the beautiful people in my life, I made a new friend. This girl reached out and helped my last night, even though we didn't know each other. So, Emily Gilbert, I would like to say thank you to you... for being a genuinely phenomenal person. Thank you.
Then, to the following people who helped me out today:
- Taylor Clark
- Taylor Hawes
- Tiffany Mountain
Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for not allowing me to sit around all day and mope. Because of you, I had motivation to keep going today. And I made it. One more day alive. One day at a time.
God will not put me through anything I cannot handle. The cyber-bullying didn't kill me. You know what that means: it only made me stronger.
And now? Now I can help and understand the kids who have been cyber-bullied. Now I know who my true friends are. Now I accept how much my old friends have changed. Now I realize who I want and don't want in my life.
Most of all? I realized that I'll be okay, and I am strong enough to make it through this.
The things they said to me? Those words are nothing compared to the love all of you people gave me.
Thank you a million times.
Forever grateful,
-Jordan xx
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans
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