Who I Am

There are lots of fandoms out there for books and mythology and movies.  In this poem, I took 4 of these things and put them into a poem. This poem shows you my characteristics and where I'd belong if these things weren't just fiction.

This is who I'd be... and who I am.

Who I Am

They say I am

A daughter of Zeus

God of all gods

Of sky and storms

Of lightning and thunder

With commitment issues

A short temper

I am a natural leader

Prepared to take on

The most difficult tasks

They say I am

A member of Daultness

The faction that values

Bravery above all else

With courage leading my decisions

I wear all black

And am strong

Mentally and physically

I will protect

And be unafraid

They say I live in

The fourth district of Panem

I am one with water

I become the waves

Drifting back and forth

I know my sea creatures

And my trident

Is light in my hand

The water calms me

And I, it

They say I am

In the house of Slytherin

Green and white

A serpent on my shoulders

And radiating ambition

Intelligent and quick-thinking

Never doubting myself

Light on my feet

Confident and prepared

Cunning and resourceful

Because I am

Strong and brave

And confident

I like who I've become

This is who I choose to be

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to find out where you belong in a lot of different series,

then I encourage you to take this quiz:

http://www.thefandom.net/fandom-fun/quizzes/universal-fandom-quiz/

The only thing it won't tell you is who

your Greek god/goddess parent is.  You'll have to search elsewhere

for that type of quiz.  I'd link one but I took just about

every quiz there was on Google and got Zeus every single time.

Which I thought was lame because I wanted someone less

well-known but whatever. I'll take what I get.

Lastly....

Greek Mythology: Zeus

Divergent: Dauntless

Hunger Games: District 4

Harry Potter: Slytherin

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

I Picture a World

I Picture a World

Jordan Winans

 A Creative Writing Assignment

I picture a world

Where women are given equal opportunities to men.  They are given the same pay.  They are not cat-called or told they deserve to be raped due to their “scantily clad” clothing.

I picture a world

Where racial slurs are not said.  Black males won’t have to feel anxious around cops for fear of being shot or choked to death.  Immigrants will not be looked down upon for having accents- because people will realize how intelligent they are for learning a new language and how brave they are for moving to a new place.

I picture a world

Where you can marry whomever you love.  Whether you’re straight, bi, gay, lesbian, pansexual, or anything else.  You’ll be able to stay wherever you live and not have to flee to a freer state to say “I do.”

I picture a world

Where all religions are accepted.  Buddhists can meditate and Muslims can pray and Jews can state their points of view and Christians can be baptized and nobody will be anything but completely respectful… even when someone chooses to not believe in a higher power at all.

I picture a world

Where I am known for what I love.  What music I listen to and my favorite shows.  Which movies I know all the lines to.  I won’t be judged for the color of my hair or the amount of piercings I have or if you can see a canvas of tattoos on my skin.

I picture a world

Where no human rights are violated.  Where people are kind.  Where everyone feels loved and important.  Where no one feels unsafe.  Where suicide isn’t an option because people love life.

           

I picture a world

            Where we are happy.

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

ALIVE AND HAPPY

WOW IT IS ALMOST THE END OF 2014 AND A LOT HAS CHANGED

Most of my blog posts are sad because I am usually a sad person. BUT YAY I HAVE A HAPPY POST FOR YOU TODAY!

So it's Christmas Eve right now and my mind has been going crazy all day. I just can't stop thinking about everything I'm grateful for. SO I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT IT.

1.) FIRST OF ALL (you can tell I'm happy because I keep using caps), I am so grateful for all the new friends I've made recently! Because of one silly little Twitter account, my friend group has grown exponentially since the beginning of November. These girls (most of which are from the greater-Seattle area) have become some of my best friends. I am so blessed to  have them in my life. (Quick shoutout to Ashley, Liv, Olivia, Leilee, Lauralai, Hannah, Jordon, Jordan, Lily, Kenz, Logan and Taylor. Love all of you so much!)

2.) I am grateful for my puppy. Four years ago today, I received him as a Christmas gift. No other gift will ever amount to him. My love for Brady is unreal. I'm so very happy that I've stuck around to see him get older.

3.) I am thankful that I moved to Washington. I don't know if you believe in a Higher Power, but I do. And I think He/She/It really took care of me by moving me across the country.

4.) I am thankful to be apart of the dance team at my school. Because of it, I have a wonderful new family. These girls are bright, intelligent, talented, creative, lovely, and kind. I would take a bullet for any of them without hesitation. They keep me going on days where I don't want to go anymore. AND NOT ONLY AM I GRATEFUL FOR THE GIRLS, I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE EXPERIENCE. This team has done so much more for me than just giving me some makeup practice. They've taught me patience and understanding and a hell of a lot about dance. Plus, the trips I take with this team are ones I'll remember forever... Like the trip we'll be off on in 2 AND A HALF DAYS TO DISNEY/UNIVERSAL WITH THE BAND AND COLORGUARD! I am thankful for the opportunity to go when I was sure I wasn't going to be able to.

5.) I am grateful for all the times I've gotten to travel. I've been to Japan, Scotland, England, France, Germany, Michigan, Washington, Mexico, Florida, Canada, Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana, California, Massachusetts, and probably more places that I'll remember later. The world is so big and so wonderful and I plan on seeing more of it.

6.) I am thankful for people like my sister and my cousins. They give me reasons to stick around. I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to see them grow up. I want to be around for that.

7.) I'm grateful for all the concerts I've been to. I'm grateful for all the bands I'm in love with. There's nothing quite like music to calm you down on bad days.

8.) I'm thankful for YouTube. The friendships it has brought me are incredible and the fact that I've gotten to travel and meet awesome people because of it is so insane... It blows my mind.

9.) I'm grateful for all my friends back home and around the country/world... But I'm also grateful for my friends right here in Washington. These people have seen what a mess I am and they have stuck around. A few years ago, I could count the people I considered real friends on one hand but now... I mean, wow. I have too many friends. More than I could've ever asked for. More than I deserve. Like, I considered listing them all in this post, but the amount of names I would've typed out... It would've taken forever. I love you guys. I'd do anything for you. You know who you are. I love you. Thank you for keeping me going. You rock.

10.) I am thankful for my mind. The way I think is very different from anyone else that I've ever met. I've learned to question all kinds of things that people never question. It's fascinating. Question everything. If that's one thing you take away from this blog post, take away that: Question everything. And don't take some snobby adult's answer of "because I said so" as a real answer.

OKAY WOW I'M GONNA STOP THERE BECAUSE I COULD GO ON FOREVER BUT TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS AND I WANT TO SLEEP NOW.

Please know that I was a mess. For years. I've had more labels slapped on me than a soup can. But I'm getting better. I really am. And I just really want you to know that it gets better. Please listen to me when I say that. Like... you really don't get how bad I was. I was really, really bad, guys. I don't want to go into details because I don't want to make the ending of this depressing. But I was bad. I'm getting better now. It took 17.5 years, but hey. Better late than never.

My life is never what I would've expected it to be... But it's wonderful.

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. I LOVE MY LIFE. THINGS ARE GOING TO BE OKAY AND I AM GOING TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL AND CONTINUE LIVING AND WRITE A LOT AND MAKE MORE FRIENDS AND GO ON ADVENTURES.

Because I've just kinda decided to live. And it's gonna be rad.

Lots of love sent from me to you this holiday season! Cheers. xx

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

10 Wonderful Things A Horrible Person Taught Me

Let me tell you about a few things I've learned over the past few... 17ish... years of my life. There was was is this one person who did a very good job of teaching me some lessons. I don't particularly like this person. But one thing is for certain: he/she I won't specify a gender for the sake of his/her anonymity has left some thoughts in my brain that will last a life time. (There will be swear words in this post. I think you can probably handle it.)

1. When you call someone a name, no matter how young this person may be even if she can't multiply or divide yet, that person will absolutely remember it for the rest of her life. The names will infect her like a disease and she will think that "bitch" and "c***" and "lazy" and "useless" are accurate ways to describe herself. She will write them down in poems and cry herself to sleep more often than not. She will recall all these horrific names as she's having her third panic attack of the week in school after a flashback has occurred. She will have to explain to all of her teachers in high school that she's just a little off and needs to step outside of the room most days.

2. Making fun of a person's mental illnesses is never okay. Especially if you're someone that played a major role in the creation of said illnesses. Laughing at how someone sometimes can't get through a full day of school or can't focus or do anything right will never get her or you anywhere. She is trying to forget all the awful memories you gave her but most days, they are too much. They are the weight of the world and Jupiter and Saturn and the moon.

3. Making fun of someone's weight only proves how insecure you are about yourself. The number on the scale tells you your proportion to gravity. That's it. That stupid number won't tell you your self-worth. Or how many lives you've saved. Or how many moments you've laughed. Or how many days you stayed strong when you wanted to quit. That stupid number won't tell you how brave you are or how beautiful you are or how worth it you are.

4. If you are larger than someone and you use that to your advantage to physically intimidate him/her, then you are a disgusting human creature.

5. If you don't like a religion, DON'T PRACTICE IT. IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM WILL YOU BASHING ON HER RELIGION MAKE HER CHANGE HER MIND OR LOVE YOU ANY MORE. For example, I'm a Christian. My best friend in an athiest. I respect her. She respects me. We agree that there are endless possibilities, but we believe what we believe and that's that. Which is how it should be.

6. Don't get married or have kids or be apart of anything, really, until you're completely comfortable with yourself. You can't be a piece of something and expect it to be whole if you yourself are not, in fact, whole.

7. Alcohol will halt your kindness before it halts your heart.

8. Switching addictions is like switching seats on the Titanic.

9. Living in the past will break your heart.

10. Denial will tear you up into pieces so tiny that you won't be visible to the human eye. You will be dust. Invisible. Nothing. Own up to what you've done.


So there you have it. 10 wonderful things I learned from a not-so-wonderful person. But life goes on and I'll take these lessons with me. Now I know exactly who I don't want to be.

I will be better.

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

Falling In Love or Falling Apart

They say you only write when you are falling in love or falling apart. Recently, I haven't been doing either.

Life, more often that not, is a roller coaster. Hills and mountains. Either something going insanely wrong or wonderfully right. But my life has been like a kiddie ride this past month or so, with no real dips or curves. Meaning nothing major has really happened that's inspired me to write.

Writer's block. No motivation to write. No ideas to share. Nothing to really say.

But in times like these, when I am not writing, I am thinking. So I've been quieter than normal. Just because my mouth is not moving does not mean the same for my thoughts... which isn't so bad. There are times in our lives when we must speak. When we need to tell our story or give advice or participate. And there are times in our lives when we just really need to listen. I think I'm going through a listening phase right now.

I've been telling my story for years. Perhaps I'm just tired of hearing it. I keep repeating the same thing and looking for a different way to tell it. Like I'm hoping for a different ending or something. Like I'm hoping to have learned another lesson somewhere along the way that I won't be able to remember until I mention it aloud. But that isn't the case.

So I've been thinking. And that leads to worrying. And worrying is silly because it's useless. But it's been happening anyway. I've been thinking about graduating and college and my friends in other parts of the country and my past and the mistakes I've made and the mistakes I might be making at this very moment and music and my dreams and more than I could ever write down. Maybe that's part of my writer's block. My thoughts move faster than my hand does and I get frustrated that my muscles can't keep up with what I want to get down in words.

So I'll just keep on listening, I suppose. Maybe I'll learn something cool. Like patience or something else I don't know how to do. Maybe I'll hear someone's story and be motivated to write about it. Until then, I'll stay in my quiet little world.

And this blog post was random and had no point but it is what it is. I guess you're only supposed to write when you're falling in love or falling apart.

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

WHEN

I wrote this for my creative writing class and decided to share it on here. Our assignment was to write about our names. So here it goes.

                When I was born, “Jordan” stood for beauty.  The beauty of a newborn.  The beauty of hope for a new life.  The possibilities are endless for someone whose life had only begun moments ago.  This baby might’ve been all kinds of things.  Perhaps Jordan would be a movie star; an engineer; a professional athlete; a designer.  Maybe Jordan would end up having bright blue eyes like her mom and gorgeous, wavy locks of hair that were as dark as midnight.  But after I was taken home from the hospital, no one thought of those things.  Because “Jordan” had a new meaning.  This Jordan that they brought home would scream and fuss and be annoying.  Between changing endless diapers and feedings in the middle of the night, there was no time to think of beauty.

                When I started school, “Jordan” meant shy and terrified.  I would cry and scream when my mother left me.  I hated strangers.  I wasn’t good with new people.  The teachers shushed me and promised a day of fun activities and learning.  Eventually, I would calm down.  Except for this one time when I actually made myself so sick from crying that I threw up.  The principal of my preschool called my   mom and sent me home.  I continued to be this intimidated, scared girl throughout kindergarten as well.  I refused to even smile for pictures.  Mrs. Mosher sent my report card home with 3s and 4s and a comment that said: “Jordan is one of the smartest students in my class.  I’ve just never seen her smile.”

                When I got to middle school, “Jordan” meant intelligent and friendly.   Just not friendly enough to be friends with the popular kids.  I worked hard and got all A’s all three years because that was the only way I knew to make my parents proud.  When I wasn’t acing my classes, I was doing my best to weasel my way into the popular crowd.  I changed my style of clothes and began to talk more.  I stopped hiding behind books and graphic tees and found myself dating one of the football players.

                When two and a half years had passed, “Jordan” meant depressed and lonely and breakdowns every five minutes.  The football player left and his friends were mean.  I dropped by school once a week to grab my work.  I stayed home where the words and perfectly manicured hands could not reach me.  This Jordan could also be known as pathetically hopeful.  Little did she know that just because you date someone for 2 and a half years does not mean they are your soulmate or that you belong together.

                When it was January of 2013, “Jordan” meant hope.  Hope for new adventures; hope that life would be better; hope that I could get away from a specific person in my family.  It was in the middle of my sophomore year that I moved with my mom and sister to Washington- 2,371 miles from my hometown of Waterford, Michigan.   I started at a school that had five buildings and sixteen portables.  There was an entire building dedicated to fine arts and two dedicated to sports.  The other buildings were several stories and long hallways filled with opportunities.  2,000 shiny new people wandered the school.  I kept my head down and waited for someone to say hi.

                It is now within the first month of my senior year and “Jordan” has a definition that has never been heard before.  Now, my name radiates bravery.  It waves to people in the hallway and holds doors open for strangers.  “Jordan” is a story of courage and kindness.  My name is strong enough to get up every morning to go to school and it compliments people who seem to be having a rough day.  “Jordan” is the name of someone who did not quit and is going to survive and go to school thousands of miles away from here and is going to be happy and write a lot and play guitar and sing about how love doesn’t always work out but it’s okay because everything happens for a reason.  “Jordan” is the motivational speeches I give and the anonymous accounts I have online to stop suicide.  It is the older sister protecting the younger.

It is the story of change; of beauty, and intelligence, friendliness, hope, and bravery.   “Jordan” is the story of a girl who had the world figured out by age ten but still believed that it could be a wonderful place.  And although every website says the definition of my name is “to descend” or “to flow down” like the river that runs between the countries of Jordan and Israel, I disagree.  My name means a whole lot more than to be like a river.  My name is a story.  A story that isn’t over just quite yet.

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

Be Brave

You know how sometimes you read a book or watch a movie and it really impacts the way you think? Divergent was like that for me. If you don't know anything about it, Divergent is a sci-fi in which a society has 5 factions. Each faction puts one specific character trait over everything else.

The Erudite admire intelligence.
Abnegation - selflessness.
Amity - peacefulness.
Candor - honesty.
Dauntless - bravery.

So, with me being an obsessed fan an all- I've of course taken plenty of quizzes to see which faction I belong to and I can happily tell you that I'm Dauntless.

The topic of this blog is so random. Like, who even cares about Divergent? But I had a dream about it last night and it got me thinking.


I grew up being anything but brave. Thankfully, things have changed.

It is brave to hang out with people you haven't before.

(They just might end up being awesome & there's a huge possibility that you'll form a group with

the 7 of you.)

It's brave to jump of docks into freezing water.

(You might regret not doing it, so just jump.)

It is brave to not worry about heights.

(Seeing the world from a new point of view is a good thing.)

It is brave to be adventurous.

(You just might end up finding something cool like a waterfall.)

It is brave to be social even if you don't want to.

(Surprisingly, you might end up laughing a lot.)

It is brave to make last-minute trips.

(Live life spontaneously. It's more fun that way.)

It's brave to travel by yourself to do things you love.

(You'll never regret doing something wonderful for yourself.)

It's brave to make friends everywhere you go.

(Even on YouTube.)

It's brave to stand up for what you believe in.

(Even if lots of people disagree.)

It's brave to grow as a person in small ways. Large leaps begin with small steps.

(Like when you were 5 and refused to smile in front of a camera, but now are taking senior pictures.)

It's brave to perform your talents in front of people even if you aren't prepared.

(It just might make someone smile.)

It's brave to finally accomplish something you've wanted to do since you were a kid.

(Like play with sparklers.)

It's brave to try new things.

(Like skateboarding. You just might love it.)

YOU MISS OUT ON SO MUCH WHEN YOU'RE SHY. 

BE CONFIDENT.

IT IS BRAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF AND SPEAK UP AND BE OUTGOING.

BE BRAVE. 

(You won't regret it.)

-Jordan xx

Twitter: www.twitter.com/Jordan_Winans

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanashleywinans

Vlogging YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/jordanwinansvlogs

Tumblr: www.battle-wound.com

Instagram: @wtvr.jordan

P.S. All of these photos were taken during summer vacation 2014.